Sunday, January 22, 2006
through the course of the week i've started to feel dead in sajc. maybe it's cos my og was full of nice people and suddenly when we got seperated i got to meet some not so friendly people. i think i should focus more on studying. when they're ready i'll be back.
till then i'll be waiting/reflecting. sajc band is nearing the centre of my life.
i'm heartened by the dedication and love from the seniors. i hope the j1 batch will be like them someday.
but anyway what i wanted to say was, after telling my brother about the things that happened this week and after he told me how saspop went and unconsciously lessened my uncertainties through talking rubbish, it seemed that there was more to sajc but i just had to give things a chance to happen. it seems elizabeth was right about my brother being a big influence on me being in sa.
anything can happen within these 2 weeks.
but if i stay on, it will be only for the band.
must be more serious. moses told bro i was torturable.
i'm drifting. i'm working on living my life as a living testimony for Him.
but sometimes i do some things that make me feel so bad.
in the morning i pray He'll guide me; use me and draw me near in his will.
and during the day i just sit back and watch people bitch.
each time i walk past morning worship, it gets easier.
but when i reflect, i want so bad for God to be proud of a child like me.
then i remember these things and realise, i'll never be worthy of His love no matter how good i am. still, i'll try. and i will be proud of myself someday.
so melodramatic.
i'm going to go study already.
have a good week.
this week was shit.
4:41 PM
reach for
the stars(:
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